Victoria Van Dyke was sexually abused and raped by her foster father and foster brother. This collection of poetry was written during the summer of 2005, during her stay at a mental asylum. She had previously been released from a different asylum, but she relapsed into depression in June 2005 and tried to commit suicide by jumping in front of a subway train. People nearby managed to pull her from the subway tracks before the train got to her. | ||
fig leaf Crazies in the crazy house I want more beef Let me have a popsicle mommy I'll use it like a fig leaf poppa's little whore Poppa told me to sit on his knee We were playing doctor I thought poppa had to pee I was poppa's little whore bad girl Spankings, spankings, I love thee Daddy... give it to me harder I'm been a bad girl, I can see Daddy... please... make it feel better stop Daddy was my not daddy Not the daddy Not the daddy Please stop daddy Please stop Daddy didn't stop my fault I blame myself, its something I did Everything's my fault, I know it is I know it was me, I'm a bad kid My punishment is daddy's jizz my mind was fried Don't think I liked it I didn't like it one little bit I felt sick to my stomach My mind was fried and I was sick the pillow I don't care what other people say I really, really wish he was dead I will never forgive him as long as I live For fucking me with a pillow over my head tears, dice & rice Some days I cry, some days I don't My pain is as random as dice Sometimes its a six, sometimes three My tears are plentiful, like rice depression = uzi I sit in this chair, staring at the wall The secretary and the doctor are busy I want to fiddle, I wish I had a ball Boredom and depression, I want an uzi sexy secretary The doctor says I'm getting better I think it doesn't matter I think the secretary is sexy Damn, I'm getting wetter oedipus Oedipus, Oedipus Where are you now? You fucked your mother Was she such a beautiful cow? freud Something is wrong with me I don't care, I know it I masturbate too much Freud was a complete idiot amputate People say I should grow up But they don't understand They haven't been there They haven't had the pain They don't wake up in the middle of the night Screaming "No! No! No!" My mind is diseased And I want to amputate memories of pain Amnesia would be a blessing For someone like me I could forget everything I wish I really could Please bonk my head harder I can still remember the pain |
we're different People don't care about women like me They think we're self-indulged and hysterical Never realizing that we are just as sane as they are We just have different memories, different wires If you had been through what I had been through You would feel the same You would question your existence You would want to end the pain more pain please People say suicide is silly But what do they know? They don't look back at a lifetime of pain, And look forward to a lifetime of more. poppa popped my balloon When I think of my father I have troubles breathing He abused the trust they gave him I was a flower, just starting to bloom And he decided to pop it, like a balloon untitled I don't hate men. Ra, ra ra! I don't hate men. Ra, ra ra! I just don't understand them. pretty in pink Just because I am a lesbian That doesn't make me a male hater I think I always wanted women Even before daddy did his thing I wanted to be a singer, a dancer I didn't care about boys I just wanted to be pretty in pink love not Sex and marriage, what a lovely idea. Daddy didn't love mommy, so how is that the same? He loved me, he loved me not. He certainly didn't care. the pillow 2 For a time I loved a boy Or I thought I did Because I had hoped he was different But it turned out he wasn't He was like father, like son He was my foster-brother James was his name When I shouted out in pain He did what daddy did He put a pillow over my head So he couldn't hear me cry WHILE HE FUCKED MY ASS daddy and jamie Daddy and Jamie They fucked me good Daddy and Jamie They fucked me hard Daddy and Jamie I'm not sure what hurt more My ass or my brain its over ream me once, ream me twice i cry everyday, so it doesn't matter i'm your little white bitch when you get your thing off i'm happy, because its over pricks Heartbreakers, heartbreakers Cherrypoppers, cherrypoppers Motherfuckers, motherfuckets Ass-reamers, ass-reamers How many pricks can they stick in me? the cocksucking surprise Death would be too little a punishment For what daddy and Jamie did to me I'd like to see them suffer Burn in hell, burn in pain I was their little cocksucker But if I was a cannibal I would have bitten it off bye bye wee wee Castration, castration, how I love thee Sex criminals beware, I want to chop thee Awheeling and adealing, hatchet in hand I'd even have a themesong, a good rock band Chop, chop chop, you'll know it was me I'll wave goodbye with your little wee-wee |